Over my lifetime, I've gotten pretty used to people always making fun of the way people drive in Alabama. Truth be told, I've done more than my share of complaining about Alabama drivers, too. I remember once, many years ago, riding with my buddy Bill. We used to ride all over town. Hours of just riding.
Bill had a '71 Ford Pinto, bright yellow in color. We used to talk about painting the word Sunkist on the side of it. Instead, we just put a Cherry Bomb straight pipe and some racing stripes on it. We used to use that car like some kind of dune buggy! We'd be riding along some back road between Can and Can't and spot some small dirt trail off the side of the main street. Well of course we had to turn off and follow it. One such excursion took us across a small creek and up a dirt bike trail toward the top of some really steep hill. Now notice I said "toward" the top - not "to" the top. A high steep wall on the driver's side and a sheer drop off on the other made it very precarious. Naturally, my side was "the other." We got almost to the top of Mount Whatareyouthinking when the front right side of the car seemed to drop several feet and we ground to a halt. Bill says, "Uh oh... open your door and see how much room we have over there." After a breath, I opened the door and looked straight...... down. Down! I don't mean "kinda at some angle that was in a downward slope." I mean STRAIGHT, 90 degrees, oh-dear-Lord-what-were-we-thinking DOWN! The right front wheel had dropped over the side! All I could say was, "There ain't no room over here and if you come this way we will die." We ended up BACKING the car down the slope at about 3 inches per hour. I swear, sometimes I don't know how we lived this long. But...... I digress!
So Bill and I were riding in the Pinto and came to a point where one road joined another. It merged with the other, more heavily trafficked street. A lady in a car in front of us, like so many will, pulled up to the YIELD sign and came to a stop. And she stayed, and she stayed, and she stayed. Finally, Bill rolls down his window and screams, "C'MON LADY! IT SAYS 'YIELD' - NOT SURRENDER!!" I thought I would wet my pants.
So, yes, Alabama has some challenged drivers.
BUT! Never, in my life, have I EVER seen drivers as ridiculously stupid as those in Florida. As many of you know, my wife and I recently moved to the Navarre/Fort Walton Beach area. Every morning, I drive 19 or 20 miles to work with some of the most inconsiderate, unknowing, uncaring, self-centered Bozos I have ever seen! Traffic is very heavy - period. Many times, if you are sitting in a line that is constantly moving at no more than 14 MPH, you feel good. At least it's moving. If there is an accident, forget it. Add 20 - 30 minutes to your drive. But the most aggravating thing is when you are finally moving along at 45 MPH. Everyone is settled at the same speed. The flow is moving like a full river winding to the ocean. Then - IT happens. Some jerk wants to enter the traffic from a side street or business. They pull up to the street, and with no concern for anyone else, will jump into a 6 foot gap between two cars traveling at 45 MPH. Do you think for one split instant that THEY kick that mule to reach 45 and make life smooth? NO! They will poke along at about 25 while hundreds of people behind them are headed to the ditch or the median to avoid an accident. Any wave of thanks? Are you crazy? You OWE them the opportunity to jump in front of you. Geez, Louise!
And then there are those who are already in the flow, but are not satisfied with the pace of the flow. Everyone knows that it's gonna come to a stop. You can move along at a little pace, but in a minute, it's gonna slow back to the paint-drying crawl. It just happens. Everybody knows and accepts this. The jerk is the one who starts jumping in between every car around him to get ahead of "all these slow idiots." Then, for me, it becomes personal! You wanna take that lane because you think you're gonna get ahead of me? HA! I know for a fact that lane will come to a STOP in a second because of the Elementary School up there on the right! And then YOU will want to jump back over here with us patient folks to scoot by?? You won't get back in here! I will MAKE you live with that choice! Bwahahahaaaa!!
And then later, as we get to the next portion of the commute, "that guy" is in the rear-view mirror about 8 cars back. He never does catch up. And I take pleasure in that. I probably shouldn't. But I do. Are you that important, that you think you should not have to live in the traffic but I should? I think not! Besides, as a friend used to say, what's the big thrill of winning the poll position at the next traffic light?
But I have begun to believe there are more Alabama drivers here than I thought, because with all of my aggravation and "child-like" responses to these people who drive the way they do, I have noticed that many, many other drivers are retaliating against these inconsiderates by doing the same thing!
We shall teach you Floridians how to drive if it kills you!!
Rant over... for now.
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I definitely AGREE!!
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